I Love Kangaroos - Guided By Voices

from the album Space Gun (2018)

Once upon a time, a  business acquaintance - Ronnie - and I were partying way too hard in Sydney.  Our ten weeks were coming to a fast end and Ronnie was hellbent on wild days, wilder nights, and squeezing every possible memory out of his adventure.

We started off day drinking in the courtyard behind some local pub.  I was two-fisting Bloody Mary's and VBs.  Intermittently, we were getting high off a bag of weed we had scored from a security guard a couple of nights prior.  Ronnie said, "Hey, let's go that titty bar; you know, the one with the Big Samoan bouncer." I reminded him that they all had Big Samoan bouncers and suggested that we have lunch first.

Fast forward to 6:45AM.  We are sitting on barstools, drinking Irish coffee, and smoking harsh cigarettes.  Daylight is beaming through the windows, revealing just how rough the night had been on us stragglers.  Ronnie says, "Let's go check out the place with the kangaroos.  Then we can go to the beach and crash."  Somehow, this sounded like a good plan.

A train and a bus later, we were in the suburbs west of Sydney, walking down a long sidewalk towards the animal park.  We were the first ones there.  Once they opened for business, we were directed towards a very tall stockade fence.  We passed through a gate and entered an open area with thirty, or so, wallabies bouncing around.  They were zipping in all directions, babies diving head-first into pouches, large adults moving way too fast and hopping way too close.

In my fragile state, this scared the fuck out of me.

When we finally escaped the pen, somebody made me wear a leather sheet over my left shoulder, arm, and face.  An attendant handed me a koala bear and instructed me on how to feed it.  All the while, another attendant repeatedly whispered to "beware of its razor sharp claws."

As arriving visitors took my picture, I stood remarkably still - full of fright - imaging that not-so-adorable marsupial going Edward Scissorhands across my face.

I wonder what ever happened to Ronnie?  I never saw him again.

Click Here to watch the official music video for I Love Kangaroos by Guided By Voices.

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