Girassóis de Van Gogh - Baco Exu do Blues

from the album Bluesman (2018)

I am in a dark place tonight; not "call the authorities" dark, but still somewhere between grim and morose on the metaphorical luminance scale.

Earlier, I arrived late to the company holiday "party" after cleaning up a client issue.  My coworkers were sitting around a fire pit, drinking wine and eating flat bread.  Nobody bothered to say "hello."  I helped myself to a glass of wine and stood there.  Nobody acknowledged me.

Soon after, my phone started going off with a string of texts containing personal rebukes and reprimands from a variety of people; each reminding me that I had failed at this, or that.  Then, as if by divine intervention, the battery died.

I stood there - staring into the black glass - as a darkness fell over me.  I looked at my coworkers and thought, "I don't belong here."  I put my half-empty wine glass on a table and walked away.  Nobody said "goodbye."

I proceeded to spend the next two-hours-plus sitting in traffic, my mind spiraling deeper into the abyss.  I began asking those "What value do I bring to this earth?" questions.  "What is the point of it all?"  "If this is it, why bother?"

I'm back at my city place now.  Alone.  Haven't bothered to recharge the phone.

Needing a friend, I began flipping through the rolodex in my mind.

There was nobody I felt I could talk with, except you.  It turns out that the readers of this blog are those friends I turn to first when things get gloomy.  You are my source of virtual comfort.

So, thank you for being here for me...

Interestingly, the song I had planned to write about tonight is titled Girassóis de Van Gogh, by the Brazilian hip-hop artist Baco Exu do Blues.  It is a moody song that translates into Van Gogh's Sunflowers.

It is a shame that Vincent didn't have friends, like you, he could blog with...

Click Here to listen to Girassóis de Van Gogh by Baco Exu do Blues.